i want a jim halpert (◕︵◕)
i want a jim halpert (◕︵◕)
its been a really tough week. without going into detail, its too much to handle. whats not helping is the fact that all the new music i just put on my ipod is like slow and sad and all that. no, not helping at all. and id love to just pick myself up but its not that easy. id love to go to bed and hope i feel better in the morning but im too tired to sleep (if that makes any sense). my mind is like nascar racing at a million miles an hour. i hope youre day was better. go be happy for the both of us.
for so long i have killed myself over trying to be what i think is “perfect.” i had goals to become the perfect girl by the end of my senior year, and even made a folder on my computer with pictures of things and people desrcibing what i thought was perfect. i went as far as perfect ear lobes and a perfect belly button. how in the hell do you get a perfect ear lobe or belly button? exactly, you dont. as i was doing my humanities homework today, they described what ancient greece thought a perfect woman should look like, and i agree. they believe in curves and natural beauty. the ancient greeks could not be more right. you deserve to be happy with who you are. there is a reason you are the way you are, so rock it! you deserve to believe that perfection is what you already are, and everybody can either take it or leave it. in the end, it only matters what you think. i dont even know you but i think youre beautiful, if you think youre beautiful. you are beautifuly perfect just the way you are. dont you ever forget it.
technically yes i am, it just doesnt feel like it. i completely messed up my phone(thankfully i for the most part fixed it), my dog has a seizure about every three days, and to top it off, my mom just had a heart attack. i have homework to spare and no energy to do any of it. and now with only one friend who truly helps, i still feel alone. the tears wont flow but theyre at the gate and ready to go. my biggest feeling right now is about my mom. shes so young to have a heart attack. 2 blockages, a clot, and 60% blockage? thats just not fair. its the scariest thing in the world to see your mother in pain, and theres nothing you can do about it. its kind of the same with my dog. it scares the hell out of me to watch him flop around and his eyes glaze over and him shake violently, and theres nothing i can do about it. im scared, im sad, im lost, and im alone. one of the worst combinations anyone could ever feel. i hope youre doing better than i am. i really do, and i hope you never feel like this. no one deserves it.
jealousy is something we will all face at one point in our life. its dealing with it is the difference in us all. everyone deals with jealousy differently. some people might talk through their jealousy and see what is the best way to deal with it, and some will drive themselves crazy over thinking every little detail just wishing the feeling would go away. obviously, im feeling the second option. its making me feel like a child. i dont like to share. of course i dont actually mind, but an in demand person can make it difficult to want to share. oh the seven deadly sins will get you every time. jealousy is one of my least favorite. its a nagging feeling that refuses to go away. you dont wanna bother a person by bringing it up. you dont want to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. cause in the end, its just jealousy. there doesnt need to be a problem, dont let there be one. best idea, find your best way to deal with it. distractions, talk to people, doesnt matter. but dont allow yourself to let jealousy overtake you. youre bigger and better than that. maybe if im lucky, i can fight through too. if i can, so can you.